The World Ended and I Missed It ...

The end of the world will come about after two massive meteor storms and the impact of a massive object "composed mostly of a crystalline substance of unknown consistency." The governements of the world have been keeping this a secret for over two decades now.

The date? 26th-27th June, 2004. I seem to have missed the end of the world, somehow.

You can read the the whole rant, with postings starting back on 29 April, here and here. There's quite a lot of verbage, and I honestly couldn't work my way through all of it. My brain hurts from statements like:

"[...] 25 years ago I was at an astronomer’s convention in Canberra and we were discussing the possible effects of the debris cloud of the crab nebula passing through our solar system in 2000 to 2005 [...] ... Nibiru ... [...] About the debris cloud....can you think of a better explanation as to why the sun is almost a white star, explain the massive increase in meteorites and comets lately or why the sky (even on clear days) seems fuzzy? [...] NO!! I will NOT tell you EXACTLY until the LAST MOMENT what is coming [...] you will remember my words and the warnings of others...and think to yourself:- THEY WERE RIGHT!!!!"

It should be noted the hosting site - bushcountry.org - has the disclaimer "Although the information in this article points to "apocalyptic" events within a month's time frame, unless the Anti-Christ is revealed to the entire world in June, we believe they will not occur."

Thanks to A Voyage to Arcturus (blog) for bringing this to my attention.

Snarf.

Inspired by the early handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President George W. Bush employed the element of surprise once more last night, holding the U.S. presidential election four months early.

The election, about which only top Bush administration officials were notified, went exceedingly well for the president, who carried all fifty states and garnered approximately one hundred percent of the vote.

That's most of the parody, but you can read all of it here, at the Borowitz Report.